Ramblings on Devotion

Devotion,  de·vo·tion [dih-voh-shuhn] Show IPA noun

1.profound dedication; consecration.

2.earnest attachment to a cause, person, etc.

3.an assignment or appropriation to any purpose, cause, etc.: the devotion of one’s wealth and time to scientific advancement.

4.Often, devotions. Ecclesiastical . religious observance or worship; a form of prayer or worship for special use.

1150–1200; Middle English devocioun  (< Anglo-French ) < Late Latin dēvōtiōn-  (stem of dēvōtiō ), equivalent to Latin dēvōt ( us ) ( see devote) + -iōn- -ion

pre·de·vo·tion, noun
su·per·de·vo·tion, noun

2.  zeal, ardor. See love.

From dictionary.com
That is the real meaning of the word. The next thing you need to ask is what does it, devotion, mean to you? 
To me it means that I am observing and honoring those that I cannot see. I have realized as well after doing a bit of soul searching that I over stepped some things in my devotion.  I should not be asking those that I honor to bend the rules of chance to suit me. That is wrong of me. I feel a little stupid in essence in asking for the rules of chance to be bent for me. I will ask for forgiveness of that later. I wanted an easier way out of my current situation, I know I need to work hard to change my life I just did not want so much risk. Oh well Life is risk and to show Them that I believe in myself and I do listen to Them I will do this, I will not curry Their favor to make it easier for me. I will just make things happen for me. I will honor Them by taking control of my life, living it fully, and doing what I can to make things happen for me and for them. 

Devotion to me also means trial by fire. To commit to something and to go though and do it. To be a Kamikazi, to be the divine wind that brings forth it’s blessings from Them. To commit all the way to not be an almost, a should have been but to be the one who completes, the one who blazed, the one who did.

Random thought I needed to insert: Loki as the god of chance. Thor as a god of order. Working together they keep chaos at bay. When not working together they create chaos. I still need to work though this thought, just wanted to share it and put it out there.

Back to devotion, I have been pagan for a long time. I have been pagan before I knew what it meant. I have been devoted to figuring out how to put to practice how I feel about things. I do not take to anything easy. To commit myself fully is not something I do. I laugh when they say to do something for 30 days makes it an unbreakable habit. No so for me, there is nothing I cannot drop at any time and keep moving on. That kinda scares me. I am honestly not sure what it means.

I really want a teacher. Someone who can ride my ass and keep my moving forward. Keep my on course. I tend to wander off. “Oh shiny!!!” or “Oh furry” or “Oh that is shaped different” I distract too easy.
 For me to even have been on this path as long as I have is strange to me. I have been a pagan for so long. Yet I feel I know nothing. I do not understand simple thing. I do not understand greater things. Sometimes I feel so lost. Sometimes I read things that just make me want to give up.

I do not ‘see’ full colour scenes with sound. I get vague feelings. I get vague impressions. Sometimes someone will say my name a loud to get my attention. Yet I do my best to show devotion. I have my alters. I have them with the stuff people wanted on them. I light candles. I say prayers.

All I have is faith.

All I have is my devotion.

That is all I can give.
I always hope that that is enough. I worry sometimes that it is not enough. So I question my devotion. I question my feelings. I question myself.
Devotion is one of the hardest things ever.


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