My brain shut off apparently. I forgot to post for the last few days. Each day it gets harder to figure out what to post . I do enjoy the challenge. This is something I have been thinking about for a long time. Self-introspection time.
Fenrir has been with me longer than I can think of. Much like Dad and Uncle he has been with me forever. The others have lurked on the edges and are now coming out more. Which is good.
I have been pondering if Fenrir is the source of my temper and my anger at being mistreated by others. I think about that and the deep depression I hit sometimes but not enough to worry about it. I think on it. I was very temperamental back in the day. I mean fly off the handle red head rage and I do not have red hair. I find now a days things do anger me but they do not trigger that dangerous red rage. That rage that if I could channel it though the screen would have killed people dead. I ponder if I was feeling His anger at my mistreatment and not mine or even if it was a combo of both of us. No one likes being hurt, I think being close with him it made it larger for me. I mean larger.
Plus anger is supposed to go away after you emote it. Mine does not always go away. It sometimes lingers for days on end. It will seem to go down only to flair up.
So I ponder if a lot of my anger or the lingering of my anger is my closeness to Fenrir. I still have not come up with an answer personally yet. Though I have been told that it is possible it could be. If it is than so be it. Something I need to work on not letting him influence my rage, my anger and not getting caught up in his.
I have been caught up in His rage. Let me tell you that is some scary ass shit right there. I mean that too. Scary. His anger is can be on a loop which is broken repeat cycle which scares the crap out of a body. It is terrifying and hurts to see. Sometimes he allows you to touch him to bring him back to sanity or he grabs you up and takes you for a ride in the whirlwind that is his rage.
The ride is scary shit. His rage rides are not fun. His depression rides are not fun. Fenrir’s happy rides are fun. He is not always happy and I cherish those times when he is.
And I still ponder where my anger/rage ends and his begins. When I figure that out I will get back to everyone who reads this blog about it.