She is a loyal one. Truly loyal. She does not sway from her promises even when others wish her too. She stays. She remains. She endures. She watches. She cares. She loves. These are her words to me or at least the way I understood them.
I am what I am.
I am loyal.
I gave my word.
Why do you think I would break it.
Why do you think I’d dishonor myself, my husband, our families?
Just because you think my life would be easier!
No it would not.
Who would trust me than.
Oathbreaker I would be.
No I will stay.
I will give him what I can.
I will bear my wooden bowl and catch the poison.
A poison that should not be there at all.
You punished him enough.
You destroyed his children- all of them.
You destroyed my sons!
I am supposed to leave him for the ones who murdered my boys!
Today I think I will focus on Hel. She is one that people don’t seem to pay attention to. She plays and important role. She is a death goddess that takes care of the Norse Underworld- Helheim. This is her home. She gets all those that do not die in battle. She gets the ones that die of old age. The one’s that die from being sick. The ones that die from accidents. Anyone who did not die in battle goes to Hel’s realm.
Deep in the metaphysical earth You sit on your thorne Over looking all that come to you The dead, the honored dead They come to your table They stay in your realm Until such a time that they are reborn You know their stories You sing their songs History is something you remember The history of each and every soul that has crossed your path You know them better than they know themselves You are their judge Their jury You read their verdict You decide if they are worthy of rest Or if they still have a lesson they need to learn before They are reborn on the earth You are as much a prisoner As both your bothers Though your prison is much larger than theirs Death is who you are Death is what you rule over You can appear as a beautiful maiden You can appear as a scary unearthly maiden You are whom you are You are Death
Questions float across my mind I as of yet have no answers When I think I have the answer I find only questions More questions I find that I am content With this content because of you You have taught me that the questions Are more important than any answers
Loki’s Bindings did they happen? Did they not happen? Was it a completely made up story? Or a refection on other bound god mythos? Those are thoughts that run though my head. than I think of the pain he went though. The pain Sygins went though. That they both endured that angers me. I mean that. Both of them were in pain. He was over the poison when she had to wander away to dump the poison. The poison dripped on his face. She endured the poison as well. As the bowel got more full of the poison it would drip, drizzle over the side and her hands would be burned with it. This poem is for Sygins.
Growing heavy in my hands I watch the serpent’s mouth salvate The poison that it created was harsh I could smell it burning the bowl in my hands I look into the eyes of my beloved The poison touches my hands I almost drop the bowl “Empty it love” I look at him Once again wishing that the bowl had no bottom He sees the pain I know my eyes are showing “Go.” His voice has a note of command. I leave quickly to dump the poison I hear him scream out My heart bleeds We repeat this patten Day in and day out Until one day I go to dump the poison I hear nothing No scream I rush back in Fearing the worst He is still bound The serpent his tormentor is gone I walk over to him. “I don’t know” I set my bowl down Fling myself on his chest Weeping “I love you.” I look at him biding that my eyes speak For I am at a loss of words
Words they elude They fall away Shifting though my fingers Unable to grasp them Unable to make sene of them My thoughts like the words Do no flow They do not move I sit I wonder What is wrong with me I stare at the blank page It is taunting me Words will not come Nothing I sigh frustrated I wanted to write Something great Something for you Yet nothing comes No words to express To describe No words To paint Just no words
Monster, that is what they call you. Those that do not know you well. Kin-eater, that is what they call you. Those that do not understand what you are. Destroyer, that is what they call you. Those that have no understanding of the cycle. Yes you can be these things. Are you just these things? No you are more than those words. More than what their hate can understand. You are a brother. You are a lover. You are a fighter. You are a defender. You are family. Yes you are dark. No you are not evil. Nor are you wholly good. You are bound yet unbound.
This is a new poem for Fenris. He seems to enjoy me taking a stab at it again. They are inspiring me. I enjoy being inspired. I am thinking at the end of the month I might gather these up and see about publishing a book with these in it. Or a few books, just small things… I think we are here to reconnect with them. This is one way. There are others.
Taking a small break from Loki to talk of one of his four sons; Fenris the wolf. I have a poem that is coming to mind for him. So I will write that first than my thoughts on Fenris.
They say you are a monster I just do not see it You are a wolf You are a man You are yourself You can find me anywhere As we travel together As we walk down that road on our journey together I find myself talking to you Telling you about my hopes my dreams You smile in your tall lean man form Hugging me to you We walk Sitting in the edge of a lake We look over it Others see you as an evil monster Some just see a monster that is neither good nor evil A being that just is I see you as my kin You are my friend and my love We sit and talk about dreams, hopes and asperations We talk about power and who wants it We talk about how people use words How imporant words are to people You smile again I smile back We are bound together
Fenris has been with me a long time. He is almost always next to me. He is a friend. A companion. A defender. He loves so deeply. Those that he gives his love to. He and I have ‘talked’ about Tyr. He bares no ill toward the other man. He is not angry with him at all. He loves Tyr. Though he has impressed upon me that he was at first bitterly angry at the betrayal by Tyr.
His binding happened before I was born. I used to go look at him. He said that surprised him. For he was so angry than. Yet here I was so small and tiny compared to him. He said I toddled over to him once when he stopped thrashing around to stand in front of him. He said he could tell I was scared but not really of him. He said that I touched what was binding him and I cried. He remembers laying down and letting me closer to him. He stole my lunch from me and I snuggled in his fur.
His fur has this musky cinnamon smell.
I remember hearing Uncle, “Oh that is where she toddled off too.” I felt myself lifted from Fenris and I opened my eyes and my Uncle stood there and looked at me and than his son. “You did nto eat her.” Fenris growled at him. Loki laughed. “I see you recognized her than.” He growled again. Loki looked down at me. “Time to go home Little Trouble, Dad is visiting today.” As Uncle walked away I looked over his shoulder and watched Fenris.
He watched me. I reached for him. He reached for me. One day I thought to myself he would be free. I hoped that by than I could defuse that anger he held in himself. He deserved better, they all deserve better. I will heal this. I will. Stubbornness runs in the family blood line. So I will do it, no matter what.