Fenrir 15

I was supposed to post this yesterday. I was distracted.

Fenrir as Wrath.

I have this thought that Fenrir is Wrath unleashed. He is the pure rage that is within all. He is Wrath, the unswerving vengeance against the wrong that was committed against the self. The Wrath against the wrongs committed on our person by other’s hands.

He is the final outcome of when the one who is wronged has had enough. When the one who is wronged strikes back against those that have committed harm against the personal self, the soul of the person. He is all the pent up trunked up rage erupting out of where ever the person sat on it at.

He is what drives Wrath. He lives within all. He is the Beast within that most fear. The one we chain and when those chains break, something wonderful and not wonderful happens.

Supporting a Loved One Through PTSD or Panic Attacks

This needs to be shared and shared and reblogged again and again in both mundane blogs and spiritual ones.

sometimesmagical

This cartoon (from Robot Hugs), in my opinion, illustrates the perfect way to handle every PTSD or anxiety episode. If I could actually live inside a blanket fort forever, I would.

Unfortunately, flashbacks, panic attacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, memories, triggers, and all those other lovely things that survivors have to live with don’t have the courtesy to always wait for blanket forts to be available.

It’s scary for the person experiencing the attack, but it’s also scary for any loved ones who are trying to comfort and support someone through an attack.

This post is for the supporters.

Often in the midst of the episode, the distressed person doesn’t necessarily have their full vocabulary and can’t articulate exactly what they need in that moment. Afterwards, they may avoid talking about it out of embarrassment, fear, or a desire to preserve the peacefulness of the present.

So how do you…

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Loki Carols Take 1

Songs for Uncle.

Peering off the Edge of Normal

What God is this
Who lay to rest
On Sigyn’s lap while weeping
Whom earthquakes herald in painful noise
With Serpent’s watch is keeping

So bring Him coffee, rum and sweets
Come humankind to honor Him
Laufey’s son your freedom brings
Let loving hearts enthrone Him

This, this is Loki my King
Whom giants guard and wights will sing
Haste, haste to bring him laud
My God, the Son of Laufey

O raise, raise a song on high
His mother sings a lullaby
Joy, oh joy for Loki is here
My God, the son of Laufey

This, this is Loki my King
Whom giants guard and wights will sing
Haste, haste to bring him laud
My God, the Son of Laufey

What God is this
Who lay to rest
On Sigyn’s lap while weeping
Whom earthquakes herald in painful noise
With Serpent’s watch is keeping

This, this is Loki my…

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Fenrir day 14

Isolation. Fear. Pain

Today I will speak of isolation, fear and pain. Fenrir is isolated from everyone. He is bound and gagged from getting any help to free himself with. His isolation makes the pain and rage he feels worse. For there is no way to make it go away.  Pain from the fetters digging into furred skin unrelentingly. To him the bonds seemed to enjoy harming him. It was like the more it hurt the better his now foes felt about his bindings. That angered him threw him into a rage. Made him in sheer instinct of a fettered animal strain against the bindings that would not break. The sword in his mouth that kept him from howling for his people to tell them where he was. Hurt. The wound it caused would not heal. The sharpness of the sword kept the wound fresh and bloody. His Immortally kept the wound from becoming infected. It still caused him great pain.

Within his bindings Fenrir learned a lesson he never learned until that day. Fear. He feared he not be free ever again. His fear let him into Rage. He feared trusting another living or dead being again. For what if they betrayed him into a new set of bindings.

Fenrir was not in a good place within his own soul. This was a lesson he did not want. He did not want to learn, fear, pain, isolation, depression, sadness, helplessness, longing, slavery, madness or any of the things he did learn.

He was bound for a long time. He had a long time to learn his new lessons. When he got loose Wrath was what he became as he hunted his Grandfather, his foe, his ultimate betrayer.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Fetters cutting into furred skin. Straining once again against them. Hoping that they would break. Something lands on his back. He stills for a moment feeling soft feet walking along his spine. The soft steps stopped at one of the fetters. The soft step was gone. Fenrir strained and realized that the fetter was falling off him.

He howled in triumph as he bounded off to hunt him. To hunt the one who had betrayed more than just him but his family.

A lone figure watched. “It is done. It begins.” The voice of the one who freed the wolf god spoke softly not giving away who they where to anyone listening, the figure turned than disappears.

Fenrir day 13

Fenrir as sorrow.

I would say to truly know Fenrir you have to weep for him. You have to feel his darkest sorrow to his deepest howling rage. To weep with the great wolf is both therapeutic and binding. He is power unchained when he is free. When weeping for him, I weep for his lost freedom.  For the lost trust he has in others. I weep for it was fear that ultimately bound him. I weep for the deep depression he spills into for he is chained.

Than I weep when I feel him freed. I weep for those who embrace him and embrace the darker sides of themselves. I weep for those that walk a path others fear. I weep for him and the choices that bound him. I weep for the choice his parents made in not freeing him when either one of them could have. I weep for him. I weep for the binding of his nature.

I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for the pain he endured until he gained his freedom. I weep for what bound him. I weep for the sword that is stuck in him and cannot free itself for it is a sword and has no way of doing that. I weep for his lost voice while chained and the sword though his muzzle.

I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for Him.

I weep for those that follow his Father, Loki. I weep for the sorrows that they endure because of others treatment of them. I weep for those that follow his Father and anger his Father. I weep for those called to ordeal. I weep for those that speak out and people call them names. I weep for those that resort to name calling and not going hard on what ever subject the other person was hosting. I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for Him.

I sorrow for his pain. I weep. I live though his pain. I feel what He felt as he was chained. I feel the silk rope cutting into him. I feel the sharpness of the blade that it is in his muzzle. I weep for his rage and loneliness.

I weep for Fenrir hoping that in my sorrow He can find healing. I weep so He can find a way to heal from the pain. So I weep for and with him. I weep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fenrir day eleven

What I think of when I think of Fenrir. These are my personal thoughts now.

Fenrir is the wind blowing though your hair

Fenrir is a wolf’s lonely howl

Fenrir is the snapping of fire as it burn

Fenrir is the feeling deep within that will not give up

Fenrir is the feeling of healing of wounds that you though would never heal

Fenrir is pure rage

Fenrir is the mob whipped into a frenzy

Fenrir is what and whom he is.

Fenrir day ten

This is a personal story of how Fenrir met his sons for the first time. In my story their Mother is yet unknown to Fenrir he does not know her name. Only that she appeared to him as a beautiful white wolf. This is a personal story. This is UPG.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Fenrir was looking over his sons Sköll and Hati he looks up at his father. He knew what their names where the moment he saw them. He also knew they chase the sun and the moon. Mayhap not to eat them but because chasing things is fun and the fear was a bit addicting. He nose bumped one into the other. They rolled black and white furred. Hati looked like a smaller version of Himself Sköll looked like his Mother pure white.

“Who is their Mother Father?” Fenrir asked him, “why did you bring them to me and not her? I can smell her on them. The scent I should know it but it eludes my memory.”

“Your Grandfather brought them to me to give to you.” Loki looked at his son. “I do not know why he did that. He did and that is all I know.”

“Still makes no sense.” Fenrir pinned each one under a leg. “They are feisty like their Mother.”

Loki laughed at his son and his grandsons. “I am sure.” He pauses, “Fenrir where did you meet this wolf?”

“In the Iron Woods,” He licked his sons clean. Keeping them pinned he looked up at his father. “She was there in a field hunting. I watched her wondering how such a beautiful creature was not part of her own pack and leading it. She brought down a small dear and was eating it. I watched another creature come into the clearing only to realize she was much bigger than they were. She was about my size when I go bigger.”

Loki laughed a little bit, “I bet that predator that thought it could steal a kill from one wolf was surprised by her size.”

“I think he was. So I watched her. She was snowy white she looked like she belonged even farther north than what we where that the snow  would give her an advantage unlike the current weather.” He paused thinking and chewed on Sköll a little bit making him whine and settle down. Hati had fallen asleep under his father’s leg. “She honestly stood out against the green and brown of the woods. I was impressed by her movement.” He paused and looked a little embarrassed at his father. “Then I caught her scent. The wind had kept her scent away from me. All of a sudden it is blown in my face. My reason left me. I started to chase her.”

Loki smirked at his son. “Ah she was ready to be mated with and was unaware you were around or she would have bolted earlier without her deer kill.”

“So I let out a howl and the chase began.” Fenrir circled his puppies with his body they were both asleep. “She lead me on a merry chase Father. I have never worked so hard in my life to catch anything or anyone like I worked to gain her.” He wrinkled his nose, “it surprised me how much I wanted her. I am not usually moved so deeply. I just wanted her. So I caught her. I wrestled her. I won the wrestling match. I bested her in strength. We mated. It was everything I had been told it was. I was enraptured by it. She seemed to enjoy it as well. We curled up together after wards. Falling asleep together in the pine boughs.” He paused looking down at his sons. “I knew children would result from that. I was not thinking about that at the time. When I woke she was gone. Her scent lingered. If it had not I would have sworn she was a dream.”

Loki nodded, “Well my Son you have two fine sons from an unknown female wolf.” He caressed his son’s ears. “I love you Fenrir I am going back home now.”

“Good journey Father,” Fenrir put his large head over his boys and closed his eyes joining them in slumber.

“I think my son,” Loki spoke softly more to himself than to Fenrir. “I think I know who she is but without proof it is only conjecture.” His scarred lips smiled as he walked home carrying with him the wonderful site of Fenrir and his sons.

 

Fenrir day nine

I am supposed to write about Fenrir today and I am emotionally not in a good place to do it. I am going to try my best but I am raw right now. I just love internet anon bullies. Love them.  Fenrir seems to want to go eat whomever did this but I do not know who they are, they are anon.

As always this is a personal thoughts on a very personal path that I am walking alone.

~*~*~*~*~

Today is an emotionally raw day. It is something Fenrir knows well. He feels raw emotion wise like this most of the time. He was hurt so greatly by those who should have never done it. In modern terms he was abused by the system that thought it knew better for him. He was the victim of a system that thought in doing what it did it was for the better of all concerned, including Himself.

It was not better. It only made things much much worse in the end.

He was left alone. He was chained. He was even hurt in the process. He received nothing that day but chains. He recognized he had also hurt the one person whom he trusted. That hurt as well. Hurt and confusion. Wounds left to fester as they healed. Festering hurting physical wounds and emotional ones. Yet he says that someone cleaned the festering wounds and bandaged them up so they heal, even with scaring they still healed cleanly.

The physical wounds healed. They left behind scars. The emotional ones did not heal as quickly. They festered and bleed, creating scars upon scars.

I feel in his loneliness that Fenrir missed something. He missed the one who he hurt checking up on him. I feel Tyr checked up on the one who he helped chain for he felt guilt. Fenrir trusted the man. I just think he waited for Fenrir to sleep to tend to the wolf’s wounds and because Fenrir trusted him still even after everything he slept while Tyr bandaged and took care of those wounds until they healed.

I believe Fenrir recognized that Tyr helped him. That Tyr was still his friend even if Tyr was given the choice that was not a choice. The two were bound together by love. Love is a strong bond.

Tyr loved Fenrir. Loved him to make the not choice to bind him. Loved him enough to help the wolf he loved heal. Loved him enough to recognize that Fenrir might grow to hate him to and did not care. He loved the wolf.