Fenrir 16

Fenrir as personal guilt.

I think Fenrir repentants out guilt as well. He represents all the things we consider ugly, wild, untamed about ourselves. He is the side that will not allow others to harm us. He is the one who reminds us that our wildness is not ugly but beautiful. He is our guilt at not treating ourselves with right or correct behaivour to ourself.

He reminds us that no matter how we bind these feelings. Bind out negativity that it will break free. It will devour ous and our sanity. That burying and binding something like that can destroy us in the end.

That is something to think about.

Burying and binding something that is a part of you in the end when it breaks free can destroy you. It can tear you apart and swallow you whole in it’s madness.

So Fenrir reminds us to deal with what ever is bothering us. Not to bury it. Not to chain it. He reminds us not so gently to confront it. To deal with it. To own it. To make it a part of our self and not deny it.

Fenrir day 13

Fenrir as sorrow.

I would say to truly know Fenrir you have to weep for him. You have to feel his darkest sorrow to his deepest howling rage. To weep with the great wolf is both therapeutic and binding. He is power unchained when he is free. When weeping for him, I weep for his lost freedom.  For the lost trust he has in others. I weep for it was fear that ultimately bound him. I weep for the deep depression he spills into for he is chained.

Than I weep when I feel him freed. I weep for those who embrace him and embrace the darker sides of themselves. I weep for those that walk a path others fear. I weep for him and the choices that bound him. I weep for the choice his parents made in not freeing him when either one of them could have. I weep for him. I weep for the binding of his nature.

I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for the pain he endured until he gained his freedom. I weep for what bound him. I weep for the sword that is stuck in him and cannot free itself for it is a sword and has no way of doing that. I weep for his lost voice while chained and the sword though his muzzle.

I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for Him.

I weep for those that follow his Father, Loki. I weep for the sorrows that they endure because of others treatment of them. I weep for those that follow his Father and anger his Father. I weep for those called to ordeal. I weep for those that speak out and people call them names. I weep for those that resort to name calling and not going hard on what ever subject the other person was hosting. I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for Him.

I sorrow for his pain. I weep. I live though his pain. I feel what He felt as he was chained. I feel the silk rope cutting into him. I feel the sharpness of the blade that it is in his muzzle. I weep for his rage and loneliness.

I weep for Fenrir hoping that in my sorrow He can find healing. I weep so He can find a way to heal from the pain. So I weep for and with him. I weep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fenrir day ten

This is a personal story of how Fenrir met his sons for the first time. In my story their Mother is yet unknown to Fenrir he does not know her name. Only that she appeared to him as a beautiful white wolf. This is a personal story. This is UPG.

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Fenrir was looking over his sons Sköll and Hati he looks up at his father. He knew what their names where the moment he saw them. He also knew they chase the sun and the moon. Mayhap not to eat them but because chasing things is fun and the fear was a bit addicting. He nose bumped one into the other. They rolled black and white furred. Hati looked like a smaller version of Himself Sköll looked like his Mother pure white.

“Who is their Mother Father?” Fenrir asked him, “why did you bring them to me and not her? I can smell her on them. The scent I should know it but it eludes my memory.”

“Your Grandfather brought them to me to give to you.” Loki looked at his son. “I do not know why he did that. He did and that is all I know.”

“Still makes no sense.” Fenrir pinned each one under a leg. “They are feisty like their Mother.”

Loki laughed at his son and his grandsons. “I am sure.” He pauses, “Fenrir where did you meet this wolf?”

“In the Iron Woods,” He licked his sons clean. Keeping them pinned he looked up at his father. “She was there in a field hunting. I watched her wondering how such a beautiful creature was not part of her own pack and leading it. She brought down a small dear and was eating it. I watched another creature come into the clearing only to realize she was much bigger than they were. She was about my size when I go bigger.”

Loki laughed a little bit, “I bet that predator that thought it could steal a kill from one wolf was surprised by her size.”

“I think he was. So I watched her. She was snowy white she looked like she belonged even farther north than what we where that the snow  would give her an advantage unlike the current weather.” He paused thinking and chewed on Sköll a little bit making him whine and settle down. Hati had fallen asleep under his father’s leg. “She honestly stood out against the green and brown of the woods. I was impressed by her movement.” He paused and looked a little embarrassed at his father. “Then I caught her scent. The wind had kept her scent away from me. All of a sudden it is blown in my face. My reason left me. I started to chase her.”

Loki smirked at his son. “Ah she was ready to be mated with and was unaware you were around or she would have bolted earlier without her deer kill.”

“So I let out a howl and the chase began.” Fenrir circled his puppies with his body they were both asleep. “She lead me on a merry chase Father. I have never worked so hard in my life to catch anything or anyone like I worked to gain her.” He wrinkled his nose, “it surprised me how much I wanted her. I am not usually moved so deeply. I just wanted her. So I caught her. I wrestled her. I won the wrestling match. I bested her in strength. We mated. It was everything I had been told it was. I was enraptured by it. She seemed to enjoy it as well. We curled up together after wards. Falling asleep together in the pine boughs.” He paused looking down at his sons. “I knew children would result from that. I was not thinking about that at the time. When I woke she was gone. Her scent lingered. If it had not I would have sworn she was a dream.”

Loki nodded, “Well my Son you have two fine sons from an unknown female wolf.” He caressed his son’s ears. “I love you Fenrir I am going back home now.”

“Good journey Father,” Fenrir put his large head over his boys and closed his eyes joining them in slumber.

“I think my son,” Loki spoke softly more to himself than to Fenrir. “I think I know who she is but without proof it is only conjecture.” His scarred lips smiled as he walked home carrying with him the wonderful site of Fenrir and his sons.

 

Fenrir day nine

I am supposed to write about Fenrir today and I am emotionally not in a good place to do it. I am going to try my best but I am raw right now. I just love internet anon bullies. Love them.  Fenrir seems to want to go eat whomever did this but I do not know who they are, they are anon.

As always this is a personal thoughts on a very personal path that I am walking alone.

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Today is an emotionally raw day. It is something Fenrir knows well. He feels raw emotion wise like this most of the time. He was hurt so greatly by those who should have never done it. In modern terms he was abused by the system that thought it knew better for him. He was the victim of a system that thought in doing what it did it was for the better of all concerned, including Himself.

It was not better. It only made things much much worse in the end.

He was left alone. He was chained. He was even hurt in the process. He received nothing that day but chains. He recognized he had also hurt the one person whom he trusted. That hurt as well. Hurt and confusion. Wounds left to fester as they healed. Festering hurting physical wounds and emotional ones. Yet he says that someone cleaned the festering wounds and bandaged them up so they heal, even with scaring they still healed cleanly.

The physical wounds healed. They left behind scars. The emotional ones did not heal as quickly. They festered and bleed, creating scars upon scars.

I feel in his loneliness that Fenrir missed something. He missed the one who he hurt checking up on him. I feel Tyr checked up on the one who he helped chain for he felt guilt. Fenrir trusted the man. I just think he waited for Fenrir to sleep to tend to the wolf’s wounds and because Fenrir trusted him still even after everything he slept while Tyr bandaged and took care of those wounds until they healed.

I believe Fenrir recognized that Tyr helped him. That Tyr was still his friend even if Tyr was given the choice that was not a choice. The two were bound together by love. Love is a strong bond.

Tyr loved Fenrir. Loved him to make the not choice to bind him. Loved him enough to help the wolf he loved heal. Loved him enough to recognize that Fenrir might grow to hate him to and did not care. He loved the wolf.

Fenrir Day eight

Emotional upheaval– The emotions that churn inside waiting for a moment to break free, that is also Fenris.

This will be today’s topic. These as always are my personal thoughts and take on Fenrir/Fenris. My personal thoughts, feelings, working with him. Mine, no one else has them as far as I know. So mine. Yes mine. No one elses.

Emotional upheaval. Yes that is part of what he is. Why do I believe that? Simple after surviving on rage, despair, anger, depression, and revenge fueling him. He is released(no one knows how the great wolf is freed). After gaining victory over the one who was the conductor of the orchestra of his pain. What did he have to live fore? He gotten his revenge. But what happens after that fact?

Here is where He would have to do his own soul searching. Discover what he is worth to himself. His anger his rage have been quelled but now what does he do with his life? Not that in the stories he has time to truly ponder them before he meets his ending as well.

Yet I sit here and ponder with Him trying to help him figure out what He is supposed to do with himself. He knows he can destroy things, that is his job. He understands why that is scary. He is starting to understand his chaining. It still angers him but he is starting to understand.

I remind him that was because the one who is supposed to balance him was not born yet. He always gives me an odd look when I say that too him.

You see to me Fenrir is missing his other half. He is missing the one who would heal the destruction that he creates. The one who would pick up the pieces and make them whole. This other half does not have to be a lover or even female. This person could be just his partner in crime. “Here this area is destroyed to make way for what you need to do.” The partner would go though and heal the wounds that Fenrir created.

He looked at me when I told him that and sighed. He does not know if such a person exists. I told him give it time. Mayhap they do not know their power yet. He just growls at me.

So I help him heal his emotional wounds. I even go though his emotions with him and than wonder why I am such a mess.

Fenris five

I am going to talk about two things today. One was written yesterday while it was till in my head. The other was written on the fifth of December. Both where planned out yesterday. So enjoy my thoughts. These are my PERSONAL practices and thoughts. I do not know if others share them. I do not need for others to share them. That matters not to me if they are a shared vision or a personal one. So here you all go. As far as I know this is a personal one.

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I was asked the other day how Fenrir could be Odin’s Grandson. According to my personal thoughts and dealings that is what They have told me. In other words it is my UPG, I do not know if others have these feels but I do. Loki and Thor are half brothers in my UPG. No this is not based on the comics. It is just something that has always felt correct to me. Their shared parent is Odin. Their Mothers are different which is why They are half-brothers. People can disagree if They with this is how They have presented Themselves to me and this is how I take Them. Which also means Thor is Uncle to all of Loki’s children.

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I was only going to talk about his different names today. So you get two treats my thoughts on blood and his names.

Fenrir (Old Norse: “fen-dweller”) this name other than Fenris I use a lot. This is also one of the more recognizable of the spellings of the Great Wolf’s name.Naming conventions aside. This name is almost a reference back to his Mother. Though She lived in the Iron Wood.

Fenrisúlfr (Old Norse: “Fenris wolf”) This of course is just naming of Himself as Himself. Which personally I think is lazy naming really. But it is a true naming for it is his name and what he is. Heck I think it is a lazy naming and I am the one with a physical body right now.

Hróðvitnir (Old Norse: “fame-wolf”) Well this name makes sense for He is infamous and everyone knows who he is.  Who his Father is. Who is Mother is. They even think they know what his future is. I think They decided that They should know better and not that the future is changeable. I also think that the cycle is Christian in origin and not really part of anything that they truly are.

Vánagandr (Old Norse: “the monster of the river Ván”) Well he is what humanity would call a monster. He is usually seen in wolf form. He makes a lot of jortans look tiny with how huge he grows.

Well that is all with names and naming. Another note. When you name something you give it shape. You even  gain some control in your own mind over naming of what was named or the knowing of that name. It did not mean that the person or thing that was named is controllable. Just means you know the name and recognize what it is.

Fenris day four

Chains

Today I am going to talk about chains. I am also going to give the Dictionary.com meaning of the word as well. I am going to talk about how chains is one of the things that defines Fenris as well as what t hey mean to us as well.

 

chain

 

[cheyn] 

noun

1. a series of objects connected one after the other, usually in the form of a series of metal rings passing through one another, used either for various purposes requiring a flexible tie with high tensile strength, as for hauling, supporting, or confining, or in various ornamental and decorative forms.
2. Often, chains. something that binds or restrains; bond: the chain of timidity; the chains of loyalty.
3. chains.

a. shackles or fetters: to place a prisoner in chains.
b. bondage; servitude: to live one’s life in chains.
c. Nautical . (in a sailing vessel) the area outboard at the foot of the shrouds of a mast: the customary position of the leadsman in taking soundings.
4. a series of things connected or following in succession: a chain of events.
5. a range of mountains.
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I would say that the meaning of chain that the numbers 2, 3a, 3b, and 4 are what I am covering today. I want to use ‘we’ I think Fenris is looking over my shoulder again. So If I slip and use ‘we’ that would be why.
Chains on the great Fenriswolf. These chains have a huge impact on life. For even as He is chained so are we. We can see his chains or can we? I know we cannot see our own chains what is keeping us from moving forward. Fenris was chained for Odin’s great fear. In essence Odin created the monster he feared. Could that have been changed or has it been in this new cycle? Odin chained Fenris because he feared what the wolf would become. In essence Odin created his monster and his problem by starting the chain of events (number 4 in our meaning of chain) that lead to the Norse end times. I tend to disagree with this story for it to me smacks of Christian invention. Odin who cannot take the long view took advice from some one who supposedly can. This is where take more than one spiritual adviser comes in. Do not bother too many but always talk to more then one. I think up to three would be a good number, if they all tell you about the same thing, I would think you are screwed in a good/bad way. He only seeked out one for advice. Odin is the author of this and it not he that gets the blame it is the monsters he created that do. Which is something to think about: Odin created the mess but he gets none of the blame for the mess.
Fenris is chained.  His chains prevent him from going anywhere. They weight him down. He strains against them. Sometimes he fights them. Other times they lay against his fur and he is still waiting. He also goes from darkest rage to deep darkest despair and depression. We wear the same kind of chains. Our chains are put on us not only by the world we live in (like Fenris) but also by ourselves. We wear these chains not realizing the only one who can free us is ourselves, though sometimes we need help. (I have a thought that someone freed Fenris from his chains who that is is a mystery and mayhap a story for Fenris for this month.)
When our chains break we can either allow rage to cleanse our wounding or allow despair to make the wounds deeper. Either way we should seek out help. Fenris did not. He seeked out revenge against those that chained him. To him his revenge was him seeking out help. He wanted to take out the one who had caused him the greatest of pain. He hunted Odin his grandfather and on the fields of battle ate his Grandfather whole. He died by his Uncle Vidar’s hands.
We know that the gods do not really die even as they die. They come back. They are reborn and hopefully they do not repeat the cycle that was laid out before them. For if they repeat the cycle so will we.
Remember if you are having problems with your chains, talk to a licensed therapist. They can help you break your chains in a way that will not drive you mad with pain and freedom. Fenris wants that for all that deal with chains seek help and take that help to heal.

Fenris Day Two: Symbols as well as other things

My thoughts on symbols of Fenris. As well as other things I feel represent the great wolf. These are my feelings and thoughts. They are not verified by anyone. These are personal to me. If they work for you great.

Wolf– which is a no brainier. His first form is of a wolf. He is the alpha as well as the lone wolf. For until his boys he is his own pack. With his boys he is dominate the alpha wolf.

Sudden geological events– He is the sleeping volcano that suddenly erupts with fury. He is the earth shaking as the plates slip. He is the earth splitting apart.

Dog– He is loyal to those that love him. The dog is a more seemingly tamed Fenris. One that appears to be tamed but at any moment could react in a way that is not as a tamed dog should.

Broken chains– Chains kept him down broken chains represent the freedom he won by fighting back.

Destroyed human made things– He is the destruction part of the Nature cycle. Though destruction rebirth comes.

Tears– He is the tears of rage and frustration shed.

Emotional upheaval– The emotions that churn inside waiting for a moment to break free, that is also Fenris.

Natural events that destroy (that are not weather related)– Mud slides, rock slides ect. Natural events that destroy but are not weather related.

There is more I am sure but That is what I feel and think for the moment.

 

December thoughts

This December I am going to do my best to do a devotional month to Fenris. The thought just came to me. I think I will spend the month of December honoring Fenris with poetry, short shorties, mini stories and thoughts on Himself.

My new years thing is starting in December of this year. In a way though it was started in November. And going by my Celtic blood that is the new year. 🙂

November I have written a poem a day thus far. I have fallen flat on my nation novel writing month plan though. I did write poetry every day though.

So here is the plan.

December- on this blog poetry, mini stories, thoughts and short stories honoring Fenris. On my writer’s blog a mini story a day. (I think I will break up my story I was trying to write in November and post what I have on my writer’s blog and break it in bits, see if I can finish it that way.)

January- on this blog I will do a month for Narvi. Same stick as Fenris. On my writer’s blog more of the same every day work on poetry and stories.

February- Vali

March- Jorgumand

April- Hela

May- Brigid

June- Morrigan

July- Loki

August- Sigyn

September- Oghma

October- Thor

All of them will be honored with poetry, stories, thoughts and other things.

I will be working in my writer’s blog too. Building my skills and my audience.

 

Advice for beginners and anyone else from Wyrd Dottir

Sometimes the drama llamas and misinformation I see on the internet regarding the Gods and relationships with them, just makes my head hurt. I thought it might be beneficial to just say a few things to many of the newer faces we have among us. (And well met you are!)

When it comes to connecting with Loki or any other deity, there’s 2 easy things you can do to start that relationship off.

1) set up an altar, interact and engage with it regularly. (Dusting/cleaning, putting things on it that remind you of the deity, place offerings on it, burn candles, etc.)

2) Pray. Prayer is communication, it includes just talking, it doesn’t necessarily have to be praise, or a plea for help. Though sometimes that is what it is. Remember, that just as in your daily lives you have friends, relations, classmates, coworkers, neighbors, team members, etc. You have to engage in the relationship to keep it, to nurture it, to grow it, and to strengthen it. Sometimes we do that by sending care-packages to those who live far away, buy showing up with their favorite slurpee when they’re working on their thesis and can’t hang with you, by meeting up for a coffee, writing to them, talking to them on the phone. You don’t want to show up only when you need something. Who likes a friend that mooches all the time? That doesn’t try to do for themselves what they are capable of doing.

Do steps 1 & 2 and everything else will fall into place. But keep in mind that for some it will occur more rapidly, for others much more slowly, and that is because each and every one of us is on different parts of our spiritual journey and development. What I know after 15 years is a pool, to the mere drop from when I started, and yet that pool is dwarfed by the massive ocean of knowledge I still do not know, have not learned, will never fully know. Because who can fully know any of our Gods?

When you begin developing a relationship with a God do so with the understanding that everyone’s experiences will vary. That isn’t because one person is more special than another, but rather that our Gods are opportunistic, they connect and communicate with us in the ways we are most receptive to it. Sometimes those messages are highly personalized and are meaningless to someone else.

Remember that is is only a miniscule MINORITY that is called to a God for ordeal, or shamanism, or as a fulltrui, or god spouse, or horse, or godphone, etc. Most of us are never called in that way, it’s not a slight to anyone, no one’s more special, we’re just each individuals. And anyone who tries to Lord it over someone else that they’re more special or some such nonsense is missing the point.

My friend may connect with Odin as warrior, and I more as a god of Wisdom and poet, but we both connect with Odin. it’s like how in real life your best friend may be on the soccer team, and you’re on the chess team. You’re friends, but you connect with others on your own too. If you’re not hearing, sensing, feeling a God, are you sure that YOU are receptive to hearing them? All too often we let our mundane lives, issues, jealousies, insecurities, fears, distractions interfere with that.

You will know the true devotees not by how much they beat down others, but how they instead focus on worshiping and Honoring the deity in question. Some quietly, some a bit more publicly.

We must learn to listen, to hear THEM when they speak. And even when we do decipher a part of the message, so much more is always lost in static, that we must still yet uncover.

Wyrd Dottir