The blog is dusty. I will be updating it once a week or more depending on feelings.
Tonight I make the steps to heal the child-mother connection between myself and the Morrigan.
I said the prayer I wrote for her. I think I will write another one for her tonight. The mood calls for another prayer or two written for my mother, the Morrigan.
For the healing ceremony my cauldron, three candles (dark purple, light purple, grey), lavender and juniper berries. Lavender and juniper berries are burned in the cauldron on one of those self lighting charcoal discs. Two cards are out to represent her. Both are from the Goddesses and Sirens deck. Boudicca and Morgan le Fae.
Now waiting for the candles to burn down.
Walking down the path to heal our wounds. It will be hard but worth it.
Children love to play. Narvi loves to play when he is in his child form. He loves all kinds of toys. He has no real preference for toys he just wants to play. He is a bit more active if you live near water. He loves the water. Splashing in the water. Funning though the water. Collecting things off the ‘beach’. He loves the water.
Now understand that this is my UPG. Mine. Personal. Do not know if others share it. Do not care. Personal. My UPG.
Narvi who has three forms to me. A small boy of about five. A young man about fifteen. A man of about twenty-four. His appearance is pale skin with golden hair bright green eyes. He has a lively laugh.
As a young boy is always ready to play. He loves the water. He dreamed of being a sailor captain on the great oceans that Ran and His Grandfather Njord presided over. He loves bodies of water. He loves to swim and sport in the water.
As a young man his blond hair looks tousled by the winds from the ocean and you can smell the brine on him. He has an easy but shy smile on his face at all times. His voice is soft and strong. He carries a net over his shoulder.
As a man the smell of brine surrounds him. He still has a soft voice yet he knows how to bellow over the ocean storms to be heard. His hair is still tousled by the wind. He looks quite lean and strong of body.
Another who needs to be reclaimed and not vilified.
Edit/Update** NICE. She didn’t use ‘the peacock angels’ name. That’s why I didn’t see it. She just called him ‘The Peacock Angel’.
I have so much respect for this author now!
And now I must express my disappointment. Not just with a book in particular which I am reading, but also with the pagan community at large. I’m noticing a repeat pattern and I have to admit it’s a tad insulting.
Background on this post. The latest volume I’ve picked up to add to my library is The Encyclopedia of Spirits, by Judika Illes. Now, let me say; so far, I’m a fan. Not only has Miss Illes, in both her previous works and in this latest one I happened to have picked up, mentioned the idea of Godspouses in actual decent length, all of her work, based on what research I’ve been able to do, seems to have solid foundation…
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Yes there will be three posts today. Why because I am a silly head and I am in a daze forgetting stuffs.
Fenrir is unhappy today. I can feel it. He does not understand this human need to pick on the way others are doing things. He does not get it. Matter of fact he wants to eat everyone involved in the problem no matter who they are tied to or what good they give to the community. He is angered to say the least.
I just wish for my peace of mind that the petty bickering would just stop. I mean that stop. If you do not like what someone else is doing in their practice you do not need to air it. Please keep it to your self. The Wolf is not that chained people, he is not bound. Telling the Wolf “No you cannot go eat them. I know they are stupid. I know I am only human as of now. Please do not eat them. They might give you indigestion!” He relents for now but does not mean he does not want to eat these people.
I try to take people’s words and see what works for me and what does not. If the words do not work. I toss them in the circle file and I am done. I am not going to go around and bash/demonize anyone. That is childish and I think most pagans/heathens are not children anymore. If you do not like a persons thoughts on practice than do not read them. Do not allow them into your bubble. It your space keep it clean for yourself.
Your practice is yours. I know I must honor the gods and those that breathed before me for that is important to the faith ways I am practicing. i am working on doing something for them every day. I am not good about it. I lack consistency but I try and I keep trying. I do not blame anyone nor get angry at those who do it better or even different from my own.
Fenrir still wants to eat people…..
My brain shut off apparently. I forgot to post for the last few days. Each day it gets harder to figure out what to post . I do enjoy the challenge. This is something I have been thinking about for a long time. Self-introspection time.
Fenrir has been with me longer than I can think of. Much like Dad and Uncle he has been with me forever. The others have lurked on the edges and are now coming out more. Which is good.
I have been pondering if Fenrir is the source of my temper and my anger at being mistreated by others. I think about that and the deep depression I hit sometimes but not enough to worry about it. I think on it. I was very temperamental back in the day. I mean fly off the handle red head rage and I do not have red hair. I find now a days things do anger me but they do not trigger that dangerous red rage. That rage that if I could channel it though the screen would have killed people dead. I ponder if I was feeling His anger at my mistreatment and not mine or even if it was a combo of both of us. No one likes being hurt, I think being close with him it made it larger for me. I mean larger.
Plus anger is supposed to go away after you emote it. Mine does not always go away. It sometimes lingers for days on end. It will seem to go down only to flair up.
So I ponder if a lot of my anger or the lingering of my anger is my closeness to Fenrir. I still have not come up with an answer personally yet. Though I have been told that it is possible it could be. If it is than so be it. Something I need to work on not letting him influence my rage, my anger and not getting caught up in his.
I have been caught up in His rage. Let me tell you that is some scary ass shit right there. I mean that too. Scary. His anger is can be on a loop which is broken repeat cycle which scares the crap out of a body. It is terrifying and hurts to see. Sometimes he allows you to touch him to bring him back to sanity or he grabs you up and takes you for a ride in the whirlwind that is his rage.
The ride is scary shit. His rage rides are not fun. His depression rides are not fun. Fenrir’s happy rides are fun. He is not always happy and I cherish those times when he is.
And I still ponder where my anger/rage ends and his begins. When I figure that out I will get back to everyone who reads this blog about it.
Sometimes Fenrir wants you to just let off steam in what every way is productive to you. For myself it is writing. I sometimes write when I am upset. Mostly so I can get the upset emotions out in a creative way. So I can rage and kill things without resorting to real world violence. Writing is for me like video games are for others. Helps me blow off steam. Helps me let go of negative emotions so I can breathe and be a better person.
So I wrote a violent story today to get out my anger. It is posted on my writer’s blog. It was very violent. It helped. I feel better or at least I am starting to feel better.
Fenrir thinks that is a wonderful thing. No one should carry anger within. It is not good for a body, anger is poison.
This is needed. I wish people would listen to it. You cannot truly have one without the other.
[Author’s note: Please feel free to reblog this post, share it on other pages- or even take credit for it or add to it if you wish- my Yule wish is for it to make its way around the internet by Yuletide!]
…An old man came over from Scandinavia with his brother to seek his family in America. Having no car, he walked from city to city, his face partially obscured with a wide-brimmed hat- and his brother became tan and dark in the Southern sun. Two hounds at their feet as they traveled, up and down the Appalachian trail, through major cities, and through the smallest towns- looking for anybody who shared their blood.
On a particularly cold night, the travelers came upon a house in the woods. At this point he had walked long, his shoes had holes and his beard was unkempt- the hounds were thin with…
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Fenrir as personal guilt.
I think Fenrir repentants out guilt as well. He represents all the things we consider ugly, wild, untamed about ourselves. He is the side that will not allow others to harm us. He is the one who reminds us that our wildness is not ugly but beautiful. He is our guilt at not treating ourselves with right or correct behaivour to ourself.
He reminds us that no matter how we bind these feelings. Bind out negativity that it will break free. It will devour ous and our sanity. That burying and binding something like that can destroy us in the end.
That is something to think about.
Burying and binding something that is a part of you in the end when it breaks free can destroy you. It can tear you apart and swallow you whole in it’s madness.
So Fenrir reminds us to deal with what ever is bothering us. Not to bury it. Not to chain it. He reminds us not so gently to confront it. To deal with it. To own it. To make it a part of our self and not deny it.