Fenrir day 19 (lost day)

Yes there will be three posts today. Why because I am a silly head and I am in a daze forgetting stuffs.

Fenrir is unhappy today. I can feel it. He does not understand this human need to pick on the way others are doing things. He does not get it. Matter of fact he wants to eat everyone involved in the problem no matter who they are tied to or what good they give to the community. He is angered to say the least.

I just wish for my peace of mind that the petty bickering would just stop. I mean that stop. If you do not like what someone else is doing in their practice you do not need to air it. Please keep it to your self. The Wolf is not that chained people, he is not bound. Telling the Wolf “No you cannot go eat them. I know they are stupid. I know I am only human as of now. Please do not eat them. They might give you indigestion!” He relents for now but does not mean he does not want to eat these people.

I try to take people’s words and see what works for me and what does not. If the words do not work. I toss them in the circle file and I am done. I am not going to go around and bash/demonize anyone. That is childish and I think most pagans/heathens are not children anymore. If you do not like a persons thoughts on practice than do not read them. Do not allow them into your bubble. It your space keep it clean for yourself.

Your practice is yours. I know I must honor the gods and those that breathed before me for that is important to the faith ways I am practicing. i am working on doing something for them every day. I am not good about it. I lack consistency but I try and I keep trying. I do not blame anyone nor get angry at those who do it better or even different from my own.

Fenrir still wants to eat people…..

Fenrir 18 (lost day)

My brain shut off apparently. I forgot to post for the last few days. Each day it gets harder to figure out what to post . I do enjoy the challenge. This is something I have been thinking about for a long time. Self-introspection time.

Fenrir has been with me longer than I can think of. Much like Dad and Uncle he has been with me forever. The others have lurked on the edges and are now coming out more. Which is good.

I have been pondering if Fenrir is the source of my temper and my anger at being mistreated by others. I think about that and the deep depression I hit sometimes but not enough to worry about it. I think on it. I was very temperamental back in the day. I mean fly off the handle red head rage and I do not have red hair. I find now a days things do anger me but they do not trigger that dangerous red rage. That rage that if I could channel it though the screen would have killed people dead. I ponder if I was feeling His anger at my mistreatment and not mine or even if it was a combo of both of us. No one likes being hurt, I think being close with him it made it larger for me. I mean larger.

Plus anger is supposed to go away after you emote it. Mine does not always go away. It sometimes lingers for days on end. It will seem to go down only to flair up.

So I ponder if a lot of my anger or the lingering of my anger is my closeness to Fenrir. I still have not come up with an answer personally yet. Though I have been told that it is possible it could be. If it is than so be it. Something I need to work on not letting him influence my rage, my anger and not getting caught up in his.

I have been caught up in His rage. Let me tell you that is some scary ass shit right there. I mean that too. Scary. His anger is can be on a loop which is broken repeat cycle which scares the crap out of a body. It is terrifying and hurts to see. Sometimes he allows you to touch him to bring him back to sanity or he grabs you up and takes you for a ride in the whirlwind that is his rage.

The ride is scary shit. His rage rides are not fun. His depression rides are not fun. Fenrir’s happy rides are fun.  He is not always happy and I cherish those times when he is.

And I still ponder where my anger/rage ends and his begins. When I figure that out I will get back to everyone who reads this blog about it.

Fenrir day 17

Sometimes Fenrir wants you to just let off steam in what every way is productive to you. For myself it is writing. I sometimes write when I am upset. Mostly so I can get the upset emotions out in a creative way. So I can rage and kill things without resorting to real world violence. Writing is for me like video games are for others. Helps me blow off steam. Helps me let go of negative emotions so I can breathe and be a better person.

So I wrote a violent story today to get out my anger. It is posted on my writer’s blog. It was very violent. It helped. I feel better or at least I am starting to feel better.

Fenrir thinks that is a wonderful thing. No one should carry anger within. It is not good for a body, anger is poison.

To the AFA, The Troth, and the Odinic Rite

This is needed. I wish people would listen to it. You cannot truly have one without the other.

Fenrir 16

Fenrir as personal guilt.

I think Fenrir repentants out guilt as well. He represents all the things we consider ugly, wild, untamed about ourselves. He is the side that will not allow others to harm us. He is the one who reminds us that our wildness is not ugly but beautiful. He is our guilt at not treating ourselves with right or correct behaivour to ourself.

He reminds us that no matter how we bind these feelings. Bind out negativity that it will break free. It will devour ous and our sanity. That burying and binding something like that can destroy us in the end.

That is something to think about.

Burying and binding something that is a part of you in the end when it breaks free can destroy you. It can tear you apart and swallow you whole in it’s madness.

So Fenrir reminds us to deal with what ever is bothering us. Not to bury it. Not to chain it. He reminds us not so gently to confront it. To deal with it. To own it. To make it a part of our self and not deny it.

Fenrir 15

I was supposed to post this yesterday. I was distracted.

Fenrir as Wrath.

I have this thought that Fenrir is Wrath unleashed. He is the pure rage that is within all. He is Wrath, the unswerving vengeance against the wrong that was committed against the self. The Wrath against the wrongs committed on our person by other’s hands.

He is the final outcome of when the one who is wronged has had enough. When the one who is wronged strikes back against those that have committed harm against the personal self, the soul of the person. He is all the pent up trunked up rage erupting out of where ever the person sat on it at.

He is what drives Wrath. He lives within all. He is the Beast within that most fear. The one we chain and when those chains break, something wonderful and not wonderful happens.

Supporting a Loved One Through PTSD or Panic Attacks

This needs to be shared and shared and reblogged again and again in both mundane blogs and spiritual ones.

Loki Carols Take 1

Songs for Uncle.

Peering off the Edge of Normal

What God is this
Who lay to rest
On Sigyn’s lap while weeping
Whom earthquakes herald in painful noise
With Serpent’s watch is keeping

So bring Him coffee, rum and sweets
Come humankind to honor Him
Laufey’s son your freedom brings
Let loving hearts enthrone Him

This, this is Loki my King
Whom giants guard and wights will sing
Haste, haste to bring him laud
My God, the Son of Laufey

O raise, raise a song on high
His mother sings a lullaby
Joy, oh joy for Loki is here
My God, the son of Laufey

This, this is Loki my King
Whom giants guard and wights will sing
Haste, haste to bring him laud
My God, the Son of Laufey

What God is this
Who lay to rest
On Sigyn’s lap while weeping
Whom earthquakes herald in painful noise
With Serpent’s watch is keeping

This, this is Loki my…

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Fenrir day 14

Isolation. Fear. Pain

Today I will speak of isolation, fear and pain. Fenrir is isolated from everyone. He is bound and gagged from getting any help to free himself with. His isolation makes the pain and rage he feels worse. For there is no way to make it go away.  Pain from the fetters digging into furred skin unrelentingly. To him the bonds seemed to enjoy harming him. It was like the more it hurt the better his now foes felt about his bindings. That angered him threw him into a rage. Made him in sheer instinct of a fettered animal strain against the bindings that would not break. The sword in his mouth that kept him from howling for his people to tell them where he was. Hurt. The wound it caused would not heal. The sharpness of the sword kept the wound fresh and bloody. His Immortally kept the wound from becoming infected. It still caused him great pain.

Within his bindings Fenrir learned a lesson he never learned until that day. Fear. He feared he not be free ever again. His fear let him into Rage. He feared trusting another living or dead being again. For what if they betrayed him into a new set of bindings.

Fenrir was not in a good place within his own soul. This was a lesson he did not want. He did not want to learn, fear, pain, isolation, depression, sadness, helplessness, longing, slavery, madness or any of the things he did learn.

He was bound for a long time. He had a long time to learn his new lessons. When he got loose Wrath was what he became as he hunted his Grandfather, his foe, his ultimate betrayer.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Fetters cutting into furred skin. Straining once again against them. Hoping that they would break. Something lands on his back. He stills for a moment feeling soft feet walking along his spine. The soft steps stopped at one of the fetters. The soft step was gone. Fenrir strained and realized that the fetter was falling off him.

He howled in triumph as he bounded off to hunt him. To hunt the one who had betrayed more than just him but his family.

A lone figure watched. “It is done. It begins.” The voice of the one who freed the wolf god spoke softly not giving away who they where to anyone listening, the figure turned than disappears.

Fenrir day 13

Fenrir as sorrow.

I would say to truly know Fenrir you have to weep for him. You have to feel his darkest sorrow to his deepest howling rage. To weep with the great wolf is both therapeutic and binding. He is power unchained when he is free. When weeping for him, I weep for his lost freedom.  For the lost trust he has in others. I weep for it was fear that ultimately bound him. I weep for the deep depression he spills into for he is chained.

Than I weep when I feel him freed. I weep for those who embrace him and embrace the darker sides of themselves. I weep for those that walk a path others fear. I weep for him and the choices that bound him. I weep for the choice his parents made in not freeing him when either one of them could have. I weep for him. I weep for the binding of his nature.

I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for the pain he endured until he gained his freedom. I weep for what bound him. I weep for the sword that is stuck in him and cannot free itself for it is a sword and has no way of doing that. I weep for his lost voice while chained and the sword though his muzzle.

I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for Him.

I weep for those that follow his Father, Loki. I weep for the sorrows that they endure because of others treatment of them. I weep for those that follow his Father and anger his Father. I weep for those called to ordeal. I weep for those that speak out and people call them names. I weep for those that resort to name calling and not going hard on what ever subject the other person was hosting. I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for Him.

I sorrow for his pain. I weep. I live though his pain. I feel what He felt as he was chained. I feel the silk rope cutting into him. I feel the sharpness of the blade that it is in his muzzle. I weep for his rage and loneliness.

I weep for Fenrir hoping that in my sorrow He can find healing. I weep so He can find a way to heal from the pain. So I weep for and with him. I weep.