Narvi Day Three

Now understand that this is my UPG. Mine. Personal. Do not know if others share it. Do not care. Personal. My UPG.

Narvi who has three forms to me. A small boy of about five. A young man about fifteen. A man of about twenty-four. His appearance is pale skin with golden hair bright green eyes. He has a lively laugh.

As a young boy is always ready to play. He loves the water. He dreamed of being a sailor captain on the great oceans that Ran and His Grandfather Njord presided over. He loves bodies of water. He loves to swim and sport in the water.

As a young man his blond hair looks tousled by the winds from the ocean and you can smell the brine on him. He has an easy but shy smile on his face at all times. His voice is soft and strong. He carries a net over his shoulder.

As a man the smell of brine surrounds him. He still has a soft voice yet he knows how to bellow over the ocean storms to be heard. His hair is still tousled by the wind. He looks quite lean and strong of body.

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Fenrir day 13

Fenrir as sorrow.

I would say to truly know Fenrir you have to weep for him. You have to feel his darkest sorrow to his deepest howling rage. To weep with the great wolf is both therapeutic and binding. He is power unchained when he is free. When weeping for him, I weep for his lost freedom.  For the lost trust he has in others. I weep for it was fear that ultimately bound him. I weep for the deep depression he spills into for he is chained.

Than I weep when I feel him freed. I weep for those who embrace him and embrace the darker sides of themselves. I weep for those that walk a path others fear. I weep for him and the choices that bound him. I weep for the choice his parents made in not freeing him when either one of them could have. I weep for him. I weep for the binding of his nature.

I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for the pain he endured until he gained his freedom. I weep for what bound him. I weep for the sword that is stuck in him and cannot free itself for it is a sword and has no way of doing that. I weep for his lost voice while chained and the sword though his muzzle.

I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for Him.

I weep for those that follow his Father, Loki. I weep for the sorrows that they endure because of others treatment of them. I weep for those that follow his Father and anger his Father. I weep for those called to ordeal. I weep for those that speak out and people call them names. I weep for those that resort to name calling and not going hard on what ever subject the other person was hosting. I weep for Fenrir.

I weep for Him.

I sorrow for his pain. I weep. I live though his pain. I feel what He felt as he was chained. I feel the silk rope cutting into him. I feel the sharpness of the blade that it is in his muzzle. I weep for his rage and loneliness.

I weep for Fenrir hoping that in my sorrow He can find healing. I weep so He can find a way to heal from the pain. So I weep for and with him. I weep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fenrir Day eight

Emotional upheaval– The emotions that churn inside waiting for a moment to break free, that is also Fenris.

This will be today’s topic. These as always are my personal thoughts and take on Fenrir/Fenris. My personal thoughts, feelings, working with him. Mine, no one else has them as far as I know. So mine. Yes mine. No one elses.

Emotional upheaval. Yes that is part of what he is. Why do I believe that? Simple after surviving on rage, despair, anger, depression, and revenge fueling him. He is released(no one knows how the great wolf is freed). After gaining victory over the one who was the conductor of the orchestra of his pain. What did he have to live fore? He gotten his revenge. But what happens after that fact?

Here is where He would have to do his own soul searching. Discover what he is worth to himself. His anger his rage have been quelled but now what does he do with his life? Not that in the stories he has time to truly ponder them before he meets his ending as well.

Yet I sit here and ponder with Him trying to help him figure out what He is supposed to do with himself. He knows he can destroy things, that is his job. He understands why that is scary. He is starting to understand his chaining. It still angers him but he is starting to understand.

I remind him that was because the one who is supposed to balance him was not born yet. He always gives me an odd look when I say that too him.

You see to me Fenrir is missing his other half. He is missing the one who would heal the destruction that he creates. The one who would pick up the pieces and make them whole. This other half does not have to be a lover or even female. This person could be just his partner in crime. “Here this area is destroyed to make way for what you need to do.” The partner would go though and heal the wounds that Fenrir created.

He looked at me when I told him that and sighed. He does not know if such a person exists. I told him give it time. Mayhap they do not know their power yet. He just growls at me.

So I help him heal his emotional wounds. I even go though his emotions with him and than wonder why I am such a mess.

Fenris day six

As always these are my personal thoughts. PERSONAL thoughts and no one elses. This is my journal and I am solo but for Them.

Fenris as I ponder his name so many thoughts come to me. Sometimes I think he and I spend too much time in each other’s emotional space than it what would be good to us both. I look back and wonder if the rage I felt in the past of being used by people was mine or if it was really him. He and I are tied together though bonds of love and affection.

He finds love an odd thing. He much like most does not understand it. Love is an odd feeling that has so many levels. The levels that love have have never been plumbed to their deepest depths.  I am not even sure if the gods that represent love understand it’s depths.

I love my angry cousin very deeply. I understand his rage. I understand his anger. I understand his hurt. I understand the questioning of the whys. I understand feeling betrayed. I understand feeling alone in the world. I understand being misunderstood, even hated. I understand him all too well.

My cousin has great power you know. He eats and destroys things. He takes things that were stagnate and destroys them. He destroys them so that the very brave and not so brave can rebuild and make their lives better. Though they do not know that.

I am going to share a small story for you. Something  I remember of the far distant past. It might be a memory. It could be a fantasy. Or it might just be a dream walk vision. I am unsure of it but here it is.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I hear a grunt as I tread with great care though the forest. I am hunting deer at the moment. The one I shot ran this way. I than heard a snap and the sounds of someone eating. I frowned thinking I lost my dinner and food for the next day for my Uncle’s family. I was trying to help. Dad was gone and he would usually hunt for them.

I continue to go toward that sound of something eating. I tread to the edge of a clearing and I see him. Uncle had told me that his son Fenrir was bound somewhere in the woods. Leave it to me to find him, the great wolf. I stand there staring at him eating the dear I had wounded. I noted he was savoring it like he had not had food in a while. He stops eating and sniffs the air.

“You might as well come out.” The great wolf said, “why do you smell like my father?”

I walked out of the woods and looked up at him. “Dad and I live in a cabin next to Uncle. Aunt Sygins’ kept me alive with her milk.”

“Oh you are his child that makes you my cousin. Why should I not eat you?” He looks at me. “I am still hungry.”

“We are cousins and I just gave you a deer, even if it was unintentional.”

His eyes take in my quiver of arrows noting their feathers. My feathers was purple, Uncle would tease me about my vanity for I choose a shade of purple that needed to be dyed as such. He eyed the arrow sticking out of the deer it matched. He nodded as well as he could chained so.

“You should not be chained still.”

He looks at me. “I am chained again. Memory has chained me here.” He rattled them at me. I can feel his anger at the world and himself.

I walk forward knowing if he wanted to he could just gobble me up. He was known to swallow up whole people. He allowed me to touch him. I touched the side of his muzzle. His black fur was so soft.

“You look like a bit of the night sky just sitting here.” He gave me this odd look as he allowed me to inspect him. He was right it was the chains memory that had gotten him. He broken them once but they held him fast again. “If you where freed would you come back with me to the cabin to eat with Uncle and the rest of us?”

“You mean father?” He tilted his great wolfen head at me. Then he sniffed me. Butting me away from his bonds for the moment. I found my self suddenly under a great paw. He examined me. “Where do you get this curly red hair from. Your Father is red bearded most of the time and his hair is not red though it can be depending on his mood. Your hair is constant red. Your eyes are violet and you seem quite stong. I know I took you by surprise and you are not struggling?” He seemed surprised by this.

“If you where going to eat me I’d already be in your belly.” I look up at him from my space on the ground. “My red hair truly comes from both sides of the family which is why I ended up with it. Thought he curly comes from Mum’s side.”

He lifts his paw off me. Bumping me with his nose as I stand up causing me to almost loose my balance.

“Let us get these chains off permanently.” I know he does not believe I can. I do not blame him. I walk to where each manacle is that holds him and touch it muttering a few choice words to them. They fall right off. He steps gingerly away from them. I pick them up and place them in my back pack. “I think I will have my Aunt Brigid make these into a dagger for you in your human form.”

“How do you know I have one of those?” He eyed me in his huge wolf form. Nose bumping me again until I grab a hold of his snout to say upright.

“A feeling plus your Daddy is a shapeshifter would not surprise me if his sons all have that gift.”

He gave me this look as he steps back. He shrinks and changes becoming a man. His hair is long black and would be wild if it was not braided. His dark bottomless eyes look at him. His skin is light but weathered and it is only because he chooses to look that way. I can see his strength as he moves. He walks up to me I feel even more in danger than I did with him in his wolf form. Though the danger here is far different. He is dressed for hunting much like I am. Though I feel that I am still on the menu to eat but now I am not sure what sort of eat I would be.

He smiles; his smile reminds me of Uncle. It is like he can read my thoughts as they flash though my eyes and who knows maybe he can.

“Let us hunt another deer cousin. Think you can hunt like a wolf pack hunts?” He teases me. I am wondering what else he is thinking for I know his senses are as good as mine are and I know what his current form is doing to me.

I nod to him and smile. “Let us hunt.” I pause and laugh at myself he winks at me surprising me with something I had forgotten to do.”

“It is fine Brannagh I was warned you might find me. Of course Dad left out your beauty.” He looked me over again. He smiled again. “Oh a blush let us hunt.”

So we hunted and brought back a deer. Uncle was happy to see it but his happiness expanded when he realized what else I brought back, his son. But that is a story memory for another day.

 

Fenris Day Two: Symbols as well as other things

My thoughts on symbols of Fenris. As well as other things I feel represent the great wolf. These are my feelings and thoughts. They are not verified by anyone. These are personal to me. If they work for you great.

Wolf– which is a no brainier. His first form is of a wolf. He is the alpha as well as the lone wolf. For until his boys he is his own pack. With his boys he is dominate the alpha wolf.

Sudden geological events– He is the sleeping volcano that suddenly erupts with fury. He is the earth shaking as the plates slip. He is the earth splitting apart.

Dog– He is loyal to those that love him. The dog is a more seemingly tamed Fenris. One that appears to be tamed but at any moment could react in a way that is not as a tamed dog should.

Broken chains– Chains kept him down broken chains represent the freedom he won by fighting back.

Destroyed human made things– He is the destruction part of the Nature cycle. Though destruction rebirth comes.

Tears– He is the tears of rage and frustration shed.

Emotional upheaval– The emotions that churn inside waiting for a moment to break free, that is also Fenris.

Natural events that destroy (that are not weather related)– Mud slides, rock slides ect. Natural events that destroy but are not weather related.

There is more I am sure but That is what I feel and think for the moment.

 

December thoughts

This December I am going to do my best to do a devotional month to Fenris. The thought just came to me. I think I will spend the month of December honoring Fenris with poetry, short shorties, mini stories and thoughts on Himself.

My new years thing is starting in December of this year. In a way though it was started in November. And going by my Celtic blood that is the new year. 🙂

November I have written a poem a day thus far. I have fallen flat on my nation novel writing month plan though. I did write poetry every day though.

So here is the plan.

December- on this blog poetry, mini stories, thoughts and short stories honoring Fenris. On my writer’s blog a mini story a day. (I think I will break up my story I was trying to write in November and post what I have on my writer’s blog and break it in bits, see if I can finish it that way.)

January- on this blog I will do a month for Narvi. Same stick as Fenris. On my writer’s blog more of the same every day work on poetry and stories.

February- Vali

March- Jorgumand

April- Hela

May- Brigid

June- Morrigan

July- Loki

August- Sigyn

September- Oghma

October- Thor

All of them will be honored with poetry, stories, thoughts and other things.

I will be working in my writer’s blog too. Building my skills and my audience.

 

Sigyn’s day eighteen

Well sitting here waiting for my number to be called. Slow going. Today my thoughts turn toward Sigyn’s sons. I think I will do one today. One will be come the subject of the two mising day posts.

Today I want to ponder Vali. Sigyn’s eldest son. The one who would eventually accourding to lore who would be magiced and maddened into the form of a wolf and kill his brother than run off into the woods after. This is UPG so bare with me.

I see him as a young man in his mid-twenties. His hair shifts colour depending on his mood. I have felt the colours. Blonde, red, brown to black. His eyes to me are clear sky blue. He is tall, 6ft 6in.

I have felt that after being forced into the form of the wolf he ran off to the Iron Wood. Where She helped him return to himself.

He lacks people skills. He spends most of his time alone. His emotions are wild. He gets swept up in them. He will sweep you up in them as well.

He says he is a shifter like his father. He always loved the wolf form. The way it moves.

He loves his little brother and is greatful that Narvi is not angry about the death at his elder brother’s hand. He is very protective of his brother.

He much like his Mother has child and teen forms. Depends on what the person he is approuching or who is approuching him.

Well not sure what else to say about him. I will think about it and return to add more.

Sigyn’s Day 14

Herself has asked for me to write more on the little short story that I wrote for her. She wants a novel. I am like ok. So for the cast.

CAST

Red haired daughter child of Thor/Morrigan

Sigyn

Loki

Narvi

Vali

Fenris

Jormungand

Hella

Thor

Odin (and his ravens and wolves)

Brigid

Morrigan

Sif

Fraya

 

And that is all for now. I get the feeling I get to personify Them within the con finds of the story. So that is for her she wishes to have it written.

 

Story thought: Thor brings his daughter by the Morrigan to his brother to raise. Sif will not allow the child in the house she does not care that it was by contract between he two families before she was ever in the picture. She does not want to raise anyone else’s children. So the daughter comes to Loki and Sigyn to be raised with their boys. This is a coming of age story filled with everyday magic.

Sigyn’s day six

 

Loki travels a lot and Sigyn’s could not always travel with him. So this song reminds me of that.

“When You’re Gone”

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I’d need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I’m alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]
When you’re gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you’re gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you’re gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I’ve never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I’d do, I’d give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

[Chorus]